blogposts for thought

some photos are taken on a regular iPhone 15, and others are taken on a digital camera my partner gifted me for the holidays in 2023.

June 14th, 2026

song for today: Kowloon - Wake Up
yesterday Lavender and i were discussing the climate. as a trans person, the last several years my main focus of anxiety has been politically in my country. primary because i has been unhoused since 19 until recently due to transphobia, it's felt impossible to plan for anything other than where i was going to sleep that night, or get my next real meal. now that i have my apartment, and a voucher to make it my perfect match, there's been a lot more room to look towards an actual future. when i look, i see the heat rising, and the core of our earth freezing. my silly coping joke was "i feel bad for the middle earth people, they must be freezing to death right now". knowing, within likely a few years time, that will likely be at my own doorstep. now at this point this sounds like i'm saying all of this pessimistically, but it't quite the opposite. of course, the thought of hell literally freezing over, like that old saying that was repeated in my childhood, isn't exactly what i had in mind. but truly there aren't any ends that would be ideal, other than laying with the loves of my life and pass onto our afterlife to choose our next journies. when i think about the climate disasters, where i may be, the bittersweet ending i have felt will be mine just makes sense to be within the end of most if not all of humanity. i have felt the climate anxiety just as 62% of others my age have their entire lives, and now is the time for us to truly live. fight for our rights to exist, and exist regardless. when i say that, i'm talking to my trans siblings. our existence is enough to bring about a better world we can live in and enjoy together before our individual journies end here on this version of planet Earth.

June 12th, 2026

Happy Pride Month! this month was Lavender's 25th birthday. i baked them a purple heart shaked cake, that wrote "older, wiser, hotter" with pink flowers and color changing candles. for Pride this year i'm opting out of most events, due to having the opportunity to assist my partner in healing this summer from top surgery. plus, i'm tired, it's too hot. my partner and i went to Out of The Closet here in the city as our way to celebrate this year.
there, i got:

1. flowy short sleeve v neck grey patterned dress, that beautifully sits with me in my wheelchair, so i don't have to bunch up the bottom to make sure it won't get caught.
2. long sleeve snake print teal and black off shoulder top that is being saved for after my top surgery.
3. plain black t shirt that says "greatful dad"; screenprinting future: "greatful cat dad" with Taiyo and Neptr.
4. vintage silver tray for rolling green and a stealable glass jar for the like
5. black imitation seaglass threaded necklace with details that clank; likely fit for children so plans are to add additional chains
6. two green drinking glassware and a Coke-a-cola restruant glass

it felt incredible to dress up, in my full whimsypunk way, go to the most queer thrift store i have ever seen, and be able to push my own chair around the store to find some super cute pieces i can genuienly see myself wearing for a long time. when we were there, an older Hindu man showed us a mini sculpture of the most prominent God in the Hindu religion. i love when strangers tell me facts like this because i really wouldn't have known at all, and it was also on the top shelf so i wouldn't have seen it with suddenly being 4 foot tall when i'm used to being closer to 6ft.
(side note, i measured myself last night and i'm actually 5'10 1/2 now but we're keeping that to ourselves because i'm convinced it's because i need more physical therapy, or maybe i'm just getting old since i've been told that happens, i swearrr i have been 6ft. so i'm going to continue on my marry "i'm close to 6ft" way, thanks)
the person at the checkout was super cute and kind as well. their makeup was top teir and made me want to see Lavender try heavy contour. they told us about another location that's two stories and closer to home, but Lav told them we drove farther out cause of the parking lot, and we came closer to closing so there wouldn't be as many people and i could wheel around without someone stepping over me. it's interesting how many things able bodied people, including myself previously, do not think about in terms of accessibility. especially living in a large city, there's more hurtles to overcome here when navigating outside. learning more and better ways through trial and error has been a lot to deal with both physically and mentally, through trial and error. albiet i'm starting to feel like i'm getting the hang of things slowly. especially since i've been practicing being kinder to myself and my wheelchair, attempting to rewrite some interal ableism. for example, using my wheelchair is not giving up. walking again does not automatically have to be the end goal. it helps me significantly, so much so that i've actually been able to take more steps around my home to the bathroom etc. i don't have to feel bad about that.

April 2026

specific date unknown
this is my first blogpost i wrote on this site as an small introduction. when i started this site was right around the anniversary of a close friends passing. i was feeling emo, so i've since then rewritten everything over. this post is what remains of my original introduction.
the longer i was in survival mode, barely grasping stability, it became less accessible to find myself as i was setting up the foundation of my life without any safety nets. there hasn't been any point where i wasn't worried about my basic necessities, even when trying to nourish my abilities, wants, or dreams. as i've also become more physically ill, i've lost the person i had always wanted to become even more so now. i wasn't given the space to do anything besides survive, until recently. this site is a place for me to dump my thoughts, and create my own little corner of the internet as i figure out what it means to me to be an adult human person in this messed up world.